Heh, as of now, I've completed two practical lessons already. And my instructor for my second lesson says I can go onto the roads already. Yay!

Considering that I haven't rode in a car (excluding taxi and eug's family car) since my dad sold of the family car like 10 years (I think) ago, I think it's pretty flattering when my first instructor asked on my first lesson, "This is not your first time driving a car right?"

I'm looking forward to every driving lesson now and my instructors so far are so awesome! We spend the whole 100mins talking non-stop (though sometimes I get really distracted by the conversation and not concentrate on the circuit =X) & they trust me enough to let me park the car after the lessons end. Cause other instructors they normally ask the students to change to the passenger seat and the instructors drive and park the car.

Baby's going to start his first lesson this coming Tuesday! Heh, he's like a small kid saying he finally 'get to play with the car' and make 'vroom vroom' sounds. HAHAHA :D I've to keep reminding him it's not playing, it's learning.

Plus sometimes those in the circuit really sabo me. First lesson, there was this auto car I was travelling behind that keeps stalling, making me have to brake every single time and each time I want to move off again, the engine stalls cause I always release the clutch pedal too high. And if I don't stall, within 10seconds, the car will slow to a stop again. Geez. Damn irritating I tell you.

Then on my second lesson, I was about to make this turning curve when suddenly the car (auto again I think) in front of me that has just completed the turn, suddenly stop. AT THE CURVE! I was like shit shit shit, brake and everything and ran up a kerb -.- Cause my instructor was pretty cool he told me to just drive faster, even at turns I don't have to go slow (still need to slow down but not go slow like inching forward that kind). But still really fun! My instructor was like okay I'm going to let you do something challenging and he kept making me do 'double left turns'. Tricky but fun! Plus I've completed almost everything in the circuit already except parking.

Anyway, for those interested in learning driving, here's just a short summary.

- Go sign up at BBDC.

- Complete Basic Theory Lesson 1.01 & 1.02 (compulsory to go for these lessons)

- Basic Theory Practice (if you want to practice questions)

- Basic Theory Evaluation (compulsory to pass 10 days before taking the actual Basic Theory Test)

- Basic Theory Test (BTT)

Next driving lesson's tmr! Hopefully it's just like what my instructor says and I'll be hitting the roads. Hoo boy.

And today's topic shall be about: LOVE - How to get over a broken heart.

I haven't exactly written a lot about that topic here cause all the stupid things going on in school, people who think they know me well just by reading my blog then go spread false rumours just pissed me off, and how people judge me.

Well today's post is going to be a bit more 'revealing' but hell no I'm not going to post every single delicious detail you people out there like.

So let's talk about it.

I started dating way too young. Got into trouble, bad influences, jerks, assholes, my fair share of all the bad things. I mean, no one's perfect. I've met guys who are completely in love with me but I didn't really care much 'bout them, and I've met guys whom I'm completely in love with but they never cared much. Met guys that broke my heart, guys that cheated on me, guys that got another gf DAYS after our break up, etc.

Of course people think I'm a flirt, having so many guys, blahblah all that crap. What they don't know is that despite the fact that I go to school with a smiley face, it hurts so badly inside. Only a few close friends knew that I cried at home, I cried myself to sleep and sometimes when I suddenly tear up in class/go to the washroom often, it's because I can't bear to keep up that smiley face anymore. Break ups aren't easy. Even if you're only together for a short while.

To me, I always think that people who take a long time to recover, are those who really put in heart and soul to that relationship. If they can get over it so quickly, it just proves you meant close to nothing to that person. Even now, when I think of past relationships, I still tear up a bit, emo, mope about and just sit alone to recall the memories (good and bad).

There are relationships I regret getting into, and there are those I regret letting go.

Who doesn't have regrets? Each and every time a relationship ends, I just pray to God and tell Him if that's His plan for me, the path He's chosen for me, I have no choice but please at least lessen the pain.

So how to people get over a broken heart? Each to his/her own way of handling things.

For me, it has always been a bad way. Rebound. Always. So it's like a vicious cycle non-stop until finally someone stopped it for me.

Someone who was everything I could ask for but I let him go. That's what I mean by relationships I regret letting go.

Anyway, time heals. Some people take longer than others, some people heal faster when there's a closure, some heal when they finally meet someone better. I believe all methods work but what works best is a strong heart and a strong mind.

A friend told me once, 'You've been into so many relationships, break up no big deal la.'

(He might have said it out of spite cause I rejected him twice =X )

It is, in fact, a big deal to me each time a relationship ends. You don't grow stronger that way. You grow stronger each time you learn to cope and overcome a break up. But when it happens again, you have to start from scratch. There's no bypass or shortcut. It like tearing a piece of paper and putting the pieces back with scotch tape. You can keep tearing but you have to keep putting it back. But there will come to a point where it's been torn so much it no longer looks like a paper or can function like a paper. And that's when I believe, the heart dies (metaphorically).

In short, there's no rule on how to get over a break up. Just do what's best for yourself. & if you ever need someone, turn to a close friend or if you can't find anyone, I'm here (:

For me, I kept to myself. Turned from an extrovert to an introvert. Got depressed, suicidal, all that. Still do actually. But it gets better knowing that there are dear friends out there who would listen to me talk about the same thing for years without being bored because they are the ones who know best, that this is how I'm coping with a broken heart.

Let me leave you with this. You may not agree but this is just my personal opinion:

Like my resolution (which I just made yesterday):

Hooboy am I gonna kick-ass. Sucky year last year. And this year started off pretty bad too but I'm going to make it such that it's going to rock! :D

Gotta stay positive, gotta think positive. Cause right now I've so many problems I swear my life is always so happening whether I want it or not.

I remember Clement Yap telling me that last time in NJ their whole class/OG will always gather round someone's laptop and all of them will read my latest blog post cause it has spicy stuff in there. And I was like WTH?!

Number 1: There's no spicy shit.

Number 2: SO CREEPY ALL STALK ME! HAHAHAHA.

Anyway, fast re-cap of the week.

Yesterday after piano lesson, headed straight to town to meet up with baby's family. They were doing CNY shopping and baby insisted I tagged along. Then had dinner and went home!

Okay, I don't remember the other days already. Shit. I seriously have very bad memory now.

OH! I'm starting my first driving lesson this Wed! :D Excited excited excited! 2 more days. Also quite scary la. I totally suck in Daytona and what's more I use auto. Gonna get screwed in manual. But still can't wait! :D

Bad thing is, I'm having insomnia again. Can't sleep till like 3-4am. Have horrible and realistic dreams that makes me cry, freak out, pissed, etc. Hahaha poor boy. I've been having a few dreams about him cheating on me, him pissing me off, etc and when I wake up and see his text in the morning, I'll still be in that 'upset' or 'pissed' mood and reply him according to what happened in my dream and the mood I'm in and he'd have no idea what the hell happened. Heh.

Anyways, gotta wake up early tmr. Hopefully I can fall asleep before 1am!

Nights people!

It's pretty sudden cause like Sat we found out he had liver cancer final stage and only had about 3 months to live. Then on Monday, he died.

So yeah.

And my dearest sister went back to the States already ): I want you to like hurry graduate and come work in Singapore so at least I can see you everyday without 'deadline' and 'taking turns'. HAHAHA.

Anyway, I still don't know what I want in life. People keep telling me see how things go or just anyhow zam (is it spelt like this?) but for me it's like, I think a lot before I want to do anything. And when I think a lot, it makes me tired, I stop thinking and I'll be oh shit, what to do in life and the vicious cycle goes on and on and on.

Crap man, my life has so many vicious cycles going on. No wonder I'm like getting fatter -.- I really going to be a round ball already. Need to start losing weight, and fast.

Thankfully for me, I don't like new year goodies so I never put on weight during CNY:D

But it really sucks with nothing to do seriously. No motivation, nothing.

Ahhh hope my portfolio this year is good enough for entry to NTU -cross fingers- otherwise I might as well kill myself cause to get a degree in psychology from the University of Buffalo costs like frigging $65k. What the shit?

If I were rich, I wouldn't have to worry so much. But isn't that like everyone's dream. Ohwells.

& I'm like outta job now. HAHAHAHA. Eug says I really should do freelance cause I'm not the kind to stick to one job. But I still miss my kids, that's the one job I really liked and really miss.

Ohwells.

Anyway, here are some samples of the studio shoots I took on Saturday for a band. Awesome people to work with. And of different nationalities too!

She is so so pretty I tell you!

Lunch with Anh at Jurong Point before I went for facial.

Night time, baby came over to pei me:D Love my little baby boy to bits!

Today was really tiring. Went for a photo shoot. But it was really enjoyable and fun. My clients are like so awesome and cool. And the female singer is like omg so pretty! The shoot is so enjoyable with such fun people. Plus the owner of the studio, Steven, is so nice! He helped me with the lighting without me asking and helped me out a lot!

Of course, thanks to my dear boyfriend from going with me and being there for me and helping me along! :D Love you dear!

Anyway here are the photos of the couple shoot I took earlier on Thursday (:

Alicia + Graeme:

Met WY and JJ at Tiong Bahru after the shoot. Tired, covered with mozzie bites, annoyed, etc.

Thank god for the two for accompanying me or else I swear I'd die. Haha.

Tomorrow I'm going to start work. Damn, hate admin job because the people I see are the same, no new stories like how each day at the centre always have new problems.

I do miss my kids. Didn't get to see them when I went there on yesterday. Missed the morning session going to school and didn't want to wait till 1.30pm for the afternoon session to come so totally didn't see them at all. Just passed Ms. Elizabeth the photos and left.

Anyway, WY gave me a huge bag of chips yesterday! Like super huge omg.

See how huge it is? o.O hahaha.

Anyway, I'm off to bed now. Got work tomorrow = wake up early.

Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

Even more than what I think about every day normally.

R.I.P. dear PengYi. I know you've always put on a smile no matter how tough things were and always telling us you were all right.

_____________________________________________________________

Anyway, this week has been really great for me. Baby had off so we really had a long weekend together. Anyway, I won this photo competition that my mum encouraged me to take part. Haha, each entry was allowed two photos and everyone thought that the other photo I submitted would win. Who knew it'd be this retarded one?

Credits to my dearest boy for being my 'mafia boss' model :D

Trade-in the hamper for $200 cash with my mum. Cause I don't even eat their products 'cept for the rock sugar bird nest but it wasn't in the hamper anyway.

And I've been meeting up with WY quite a lot now she's on school holiday. She's flying back to US like really soon. Having prata, shopping, lots of shopping, talks, meeting up with other friends, etc. Just yesterday, we went to have a photo shoot, with her being my model of course.

Hate the monsoon season. It's like on off on off rain. Damn.

Anyway by E-3 body is under repairs so I'm using my old camera body which is so so much lighter. Here are the results of the photo shoot (credits to my pretty sista Wendi):

Oh and later in the evening, WY, JJ, Eug and I went to meet up with our (WY and me) p school classmates. I had to edit the background away cause it's really ugly and messy. But I can't edit the plates and drinks in front of us. Okay, not can't, it's that I'm too lazy to. And I hate cropping cause it screws up my dimensions for the picture I wanna put on my blog. Hahahaha.

From back (left to right): Sebestian, Luqman, Cheltton, WY, SJ

Yepp, that's about it. I'm too lazy to upload the countdown pictures here and since it's like over already. Haha.

If you wanna view them, go to my facebook page, add me as a friend (send me a message something like you read my blog) and I'll add you so you can view my pictures. Cause if you don't tell me you read my blog and wanna add me as a friend, I normally don't accept. I've got friend requests from people I don't know and I haven't accepted a lot of them cause I don't know who they are.

Keep in tune for tons of awesome pictures this week. I have a couple photo shoot tomorrow and a band photo shoot on Saturday so you definitely get to see tons of shots :D

& did I mention? I'm starting office hour work again. Which means less photo shoots already. Dammit ): I'm super sad, really.

Well not much changed la cause I'm really too sleepy to look at all the HTML coding when I've been out the whole day. I wanna crawl into bed and sleep asap. Haha.

Well 2010 has been a long year for me and it hasn't been the best year for me. Towards the end of 2010, Eug and I got into a really huge fight that we nearly broke up. And a lot of other things happened during the year also. So, I really do hope 2011 is going to be better.

Anyway, I've tons of photos to post. Like really, TONS. But my photobucket account is almost full. So I still haven't had time to create a new account yet, thus no photos.

A quick update on the first 11 days of 2011:

- Countdown!!

- 29th monthsary!!

- Eug's mum's birthday!!

- Going out with WY!!

& a lot of other stuff too. My life's back to being a mess somehow. But I'm always glad I have the boy with me pushing me on, somewhat.

I'm still coping with my life, trying to be optimistic in everything.

People think I don't care much or put much thought into things. They're wrong. I actually think a lot about things but to others, I always tend to want to look at the positive side of things. And I mean, always. I always want to think of the world as a nice and friendly place, like how little kids things. I always want to think the best of people and the best of situations.

But like you know, life's never like this. I know it too and it scares the hell out of me. So the ONLY way I myself can cope with the scary reality of the world is just to put on a smile and tell the whole world I'm fine. It's a facade all over again.

No one knows the whole story. Some people only know pieces here and there. Not even Eugene knows everything, cause in the end, the only person I can trust, is still myself.

Crap. First post after revamp and it's an emo one.

Really shit. Hahahaha. Going to bed now. NIGHTS! :D

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This blog is like so dead you know. She doesn't wanna write anymore for me to read. I'm so sad. Baby got no work now, so she should have more time right? So why is she not blogging?! :(

Heh, I don't know what else to type already. Hahahaha. Alright. I love you baby. Bye!