Okay, I've decided to start blogging again. Main reason is that lots of people have been asking me to do so so that they can at least know what's happening in my life.

I've been into isolation for a few days, sunk into depression too.
No idea why or how I even did that but yeah, it happened.
Tomorrow is Higher Chinese O levels. Screw Chinese.

Oh yes, I got new blades (ROLLER BLADES not penknive blades mind you) and new sports shoes :D
Don't know if I'm going to play tennis tmr. Shall sms Grace later. Or else wait for Clement to come over to school and play with me.

My life has been pretty screwed up. Anh told me that I haven't stand up yet, in fact I'm just crawling. Crawling away from reality? Shrugs. I don't like the feeling of people loving me anymore. It's a pain in the ass. Trying to hold on to friendship but at the same time, I'm giving them the wrong idea too.

Let's get this straight, I don't love anyone NOW. So stop pestering me to be like your gf or something. Freaks me out and seriously, I have no obligation to give in to someone and make them happy. As in, let's take Alex for example, he keeps saying he's done a lot for me and I just refuse to get back together with him.

Well, yeah, I agree that he's done a lot for me and I appreciate it. But hello? I'd rather you do it WILLINGLY then to come and 'threaten' me with it. It makes no sense at all? :|

I loved this certain someone and I'm glad I loved him.
I did everything for him willingly. Yes, I did hope that there would be a happy ending.
But I got hurt very badly instead. Have I ever told him how much I've done for him and he still treated me like that? Nope. Have I told him he was an asshole to waste my time and emotions when he never appreciated it? Nope.

Simple reason: I did it willingly, knowing full well of the consequences I need to bear. I knew the situation we were in would never allow me to have my happy ending, but I still went ahead and be there for him at every situation. Why? Because I loved him and I'm glad I loved him.

Well, love isn't about comparing how much you've done for each other. Love is about the willingness to sacrifice and give and accepting the results that come with it.
So quit asking me to be your girlfriend and using things like how long you've waited or how much you've sacrificed for me. I'm not referring to just ONE person alright?

Sheesh, Alex is in jail for I don't know what. Shall sms YL later and see if he knows what happened. Suspect he got into DB. That idiot -.- Always getting into trouble. Okay, I need dates badly. To catch up with my dearests (:

1) ShaoYu - Deepavali (have no idea why I chose this day but nevermind. Least I get to go out with him :D)
2) Ying - Last day of her O levels
3) Denise - I don't know when?
4) Baby Arnold - Uhh. I think it's this Thursday or something.
5) Rafidah - After O's
6) Michelle Lee - DANCE (:

and lots more. Most of them must wait until O's are over.
I want my PSP slim. -stares at MT.

Photos when I get back my thumbdrive and yes, I will change my blogskin:D
It's a new start already.
Time: 5:04 PM

To Ying: sorry for making you worry. Never reply your sms-es nor blog already. I'm okay. You should know bah. Meet you this Sunday then talk. Better work hard.

To others who have been asking if I'm alright:

Yeah, I am. Still alive, no slashes nothing.
I just have no idea what to blog for the time being.
Maybe just to say, I want a tennis racket/roller blades for X'mas.
And I'm getting my PSP soon (:


and yes.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAYS TO ZHONG XIAN KORKOR (at least I rmb you -.-) AND MY DEAREST YOUNG YI GONGGONG WHO IS IN AUSTRALIA NOW! :D
Time: 9:37 AM

Everyone around me has somebody by their side.
And somehow, it kinda makes me sad when I see them loving someone and being loved.
Hearing stories about how loved they are by their partners. Or even listen to them talk about their quarrels.

Haha, I've forgotten how to love. Or how is it like to accept love.
Clement told me these few sentences recently:

'but as always, u wont open up ur heart to see wats around u. u dun feel wats the most important.'

'its like u dun even stop to look wats been with u the whole time.'

Hmm, I agree, I don't want to open my heart anymore. I'm afraid of loving and I'm afraid of being loved. But I DO KNOW who's been there for me and who I can always turn to when I'm in need. I'm not someone who takes people for granted.

I appreciate every person who's done their best to make me happy, to make me smile and just to be there for me. But like I said, I no longer wanna open my heart and love again.
This is the first post with emotions after a long long time.

Every single part of my life is kinda messed up. I fell down hard and I had so much difficulty getting up. I cried cause of the pain being so unbearable. But now. I've finally stood up.

The next step is to learn how to walk.
I'm trying. Really am.
Okay, off to comfort emo couples again. Sigh.
Hope things go well for them.
Time: 10:30 PM

Hmm, class chalet is over and we had a great time together. First day we invited the teachers over for BBQ then had night cycling.11 girls cycling and 3 guys in the chalet -.- We cycled to the playground and played and got ourselves all dirty with mud. Went back to the chalet at like 2plus in the morning. Didn't sleep cause Chun Meng was about to suffocate me and push me off the bed to the floor. Anh wasn't sleeping and he thought I was sleeping while I thought he was sleeping too -.- Otherwise both of us would just go outside and talk till the sun rises.

2nd day morning they went Escape. I went home to bathe and rest. Never liked Escape. Before going home, went to meet MT for awhile then went to have lunch with Clement. Slept for a few hours then went out to meet Anh to head back to the chalet again. Watched Scary Movie 3 and 4. Got kicked off the bed by Bee. Or rather FORCED off the bed. She practically treated me as part of the bed already and if I didn't get off, I'd be under her and suffocating. Either that or I'll be pushed off the bed by her onto Christine who was sleeping on another mattress below us. So I got out of bed, let Bee have the whole bed to herself, just sat there on the floor the whole night staring into space, listening to people snore and talk in their dreams (Ahem BESTF Ahem!) and getting pissed off by Ah bengs who think they own the whole chalet and they can curse whenever they want to. Damn.

The rest woke up at 4.30am. Wanted to watch sunrise but who expected it to be so cloudy. Saw lightning and we went back. The rest went back to sleep. I re-watched Scary Movie again cause there was no space on the bed for me to sleep -.-

Left chalet and met Clement. Went home, played a bit of his PSP and slept. Then watched BATTLE ROYALE and did math revision. That's about it.

Today was crap. Still feeling tired from lack of sleep from the
chalet. Weird uncle. Was at the bus interchange and he asked me if I wanted to read his Chinese newspaper and I said no thanks. Then he started showing me the different news and what they (the headlines) meant. Quite a nice uncle but it feels weird.

Let the pictures entertain you now. Going to have dinner.



Yong Qiang korkor and his PSP. Haha.




I love this background :D


Clement with my pink shades -.-


Playing the flying fox during night cycling.






The all girls midnight cycling gang (:


The photos will show you how 14 people managed to squeeze in one room.
However I could only take 9 people because the rest were not yet sleeping.






More pictures soon. Ta ta.
Time: 4:51 PM

I know I have not been blogging and going online for the past week and that has raised many concerns. Thanks to those who've specially sms-ed me asking if I'm okay and stuff. My answer to you guys is yes, I'm all right. Not to worry. I'm still alive and kicking and I've got no new scars on my body. Tears have been shed of course but not to the extent of blood.

So yes, every day is just chinese chinese and more chinese. tennis, tennis and more tennis.
Went to repair my lappy on Monday with Clement which got pretty bad in the middle of the day where he shouted at me and I refused to talk to him after that. Tuesday was Chinese and tennis after school. Wednesday the same and yesterday too.

Anything exciting that happened? Yeah sure. I slipped at the stairs in LT5 yesterday and my hip bone hit the edge of the step. Happy? Sure, my butt hurts too. But who cares, continued to play tennis yesterday. WHACK WHACK WHACK.

Grace and ShuYi says I've been improving a lot in tennis (: Yeah, I guess now I just need to aim and control the strength and direction of the ball :/

Didn't go to school today cause I'm just so freaking tired and I couldn't wake up even though I slept at 8pm last night. Earliest I've slept these 4 years? I won't be blogging much till next week I guess.

Won't be home till like uhh, Sunday I think? Damn, why must Zouk's Halloween's party be on the day before my Higher Chinese O levels? ): Sorry Bobin that I can't go. And fuck, I'm damn broke.

I'm saving up for maybe a new tennis racket or something nice.
I need a break man.

And yeah, congrats to Clement for getting silver for his IPPT. Bet it was your 2.4km that couldn't get you your gold as usual. No, I don't owe you anything dammit.
Time: 11:21 AM

Thanks J for today (: Yeah, you cheated me but haha, I know you meant well.
Went out with J today and was suppose to just spend time at the beach and you know, relax. However, he had something else in mind which he APPARENTLY didn't tell me till we reached ECP and I was eating my lunch. That was, I was following him to some church get together activity. Yeah, I know I was kind of like a spoilsport not wanting to be involved and stuff, but I hope you understand :/

So we had station games and all. Met new friends and old ones (: Heh, thanks J for the taxi ride home though I know that I've been super horrible to you the whole day. Many times I felt like crying lah, but like what you (J) said to me this morning, I'm always putting up a strong front. Haha, that's me. Okay, I'm tired and I need to settle some stuff.

Goodnight (:
Time: 9:07 PM

I'm not someone who cries over spilled milk. In this case, exam results.
But i NEARLY did today when I got back my Physics paper. I was really disappointed in myself.
Totally wrecked. First was my English which I didn't do quite well but it was still okay. That already left me pretty disappointed. When I got back my Geog and Hist paper, I was pleased with the marks though I felt I could have scored higher. However when I got back my Physics paper today, I was really devastated.

I pinned high hopes on Eng, Hist and Phy. None of which I did exceptionally well. Sigh. I really do love Physics okay? Mr Lee was like, 'If you're going to take Physics next year just because on the mere fact that you really love it, it's commendable.' And I wanted to tell him that it's really because I like Physics that I wanna take it.

Seriously, I'm an arts student and the courses I wanna take up in university doesn't need physics AT ALL. So yeah, I wanna take Physics cause I really like it:/

Initially my subject combi is this:
H1- General Paper
Project Work
H2 - Economics
History
Math
Literature

Now, I'm seriously hesitating between Econs and Geog. Firstly, econs is more useful to be in the future but I know I can't score well in Econs as I score for Geog BUT if I were to take History and Geog and Lit together, I'd most probably die. All requires a lot of thinking and memorizing and language. And I'm seriously considering taking up 5 subjects which means I take up H1 Physics also. Sigh. That's suicidal, yes I know. But I really don't wanna give up on Physics :/ There's a possibility I might not qualify for H2 Math. If I don't, I'm screwed. Seriously.


I have no mood to blog know?
Results are one factor to why. I'm super disappointed with myself.
No holidays for me this time. I'm using it to study and read up on history, go for dance lessons, take up English courses to improve my writing and critical thinking skills and last of all, Economics, History and Math tuitions. So there.

Now the major things: Math selection tests and HCL O levels.
Time: 5:24 PM

No fun ): Sentosa sun tanning without any sun.
Well, woke up suppose to meet Clement to update my bank book before meeting Rachel.
But apparently I took my own sweet time that I decided not to meet Clement and went to meet Rachel instead. Headed down to sentosa.

Sad to say, there was no sun -.- Only a little while. So we ended up cam-whoring instead.
Wen Loong came and it rained ): so we headed to Vivo instead.
Ohwells, I bought a new pair of heels. Haha, cheap okay?
Normal price is 60bucks. I got it for 26 bucks. HEH.

We slept on the grass on the balcony of Vivo. Hilarious seriously.
I'm tired. Don't wanna elaborate anymore. Yawns.
My brain is dead so is my heart.
Photos of sentosa tomorrow. Too tired to wait for Rachel to go home.

Here is the album of the day my exams ended. Yup. 5 Oct 2007. Goodnight (:

PHOTOS TAKEN ON 05 OCT 2007
Time: 9:50 PM

To me, he was my everything.
To him, I was his anything.

Rah, I'm up so early with nothing to do. No, I'm trying not to emo.Going out later to meet Denise. Then settle some stuff.
PENGYI! Rest well okay! We all love you so take care!

I'm so seriously broke. Damn. How?
Still owe people 70bucks.
And I still have a shopping trip with Rachel tmr.
Can't window shop cause I promised we will shop ):

Oh yes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHU HUI!(: HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH YOUR DAR ALRIGHT :D


I shall go surf the net now. In case I get emo for no reason. Bah.
Like what I saw on the television yesterday.
'If I can pick it up, I can put it down.'
But apparently the female actress still can't put it down and ran away from the problem instead.

I AM SO TIRED!
Went over to YCK to settle my stuff then waited for Ms TAITAI Denise and another Ms TAITAI Jiayi to walk over. Headed to Bishan for lunch. Jiayi said I was anti-social :/ Rah, just that I'm really tired and I've not been myself these days.

After that, Jiayi and Denise cabb-ed back to D's house to swim -.-
I went down to causeway to find Ying. Walked about and headed down to WM.

Tide's been calling me these days o.O Apparently he's lost another gf. HAHA.
Okay, I shouldn't laugh. Nevermind. He's hilarious man.
So well, now Tide calls be blur cock. Wth? I told him then he'll be shit face.
Yawns, he wanted to meet me under my block but I'm too lazy.
Meeting him next weekend after he books out I guess?

I need to meet up with YongQiang, Yongyi, ZhiYuan, ChingWei, Alex and all my ex-bball guy seniors and NJ kors :D REAL SOON. Miss them ):
Time: 9:15 AM

Guess what? Last paper and I just fell sick ): Damn. No good no good.

Chem paper was like WOAH. It's alien language to me, I'm serious!
After school, met Clement and we headed down to town.
Caught the sneak preview of RESIDENT EVIL - EXTINCTION.

OMG, it's a must watch okay? It's damn damn cool and everything.
Freaky scenes plus gross images also and it's NC16. Yeah!
FIRST OFFICIAL NC16 MOVIE for me! Note the word OFFICIAL.
Haha, other times I would just sneak in. Whee.
Back to topic. WATCH EXTINCTION! It's really really nice!

Oh yeah, caught a cold in the cinema ): HAHA, Clement said I was trembling a lot.
I don't know? Maybe cause I was too cold (I wanted to go to the beach instead so I didn't bring my jacket) and I was waiting in anticipation (maybe a little too much that I trembled) for that HUGE ZOMBIE to come out. Heh.

After that was bad. Being my first time in don't know how many years to deposit money into the ATM machine ended up with my money being retained by the machine -.- Cause I FORGOT that 2 and 5 dollar notes weren't accepted. THE MACHINE RETAINED $178! Damn. And I was kinda pissed at the officer.

Over the phone,

Me: Umm, I put 2 dollar notes in (at that point of time I didn't know 5 dollars wasn't allowed) the machine and it retained everything else.

Him: I need to know how many 2 dollar notes you put in.

Me: I'm really not sure. Never counted.

Him: Okay, what other notes you put in?

Me: 50, 10, 5 and 2.

Him: Do you know 5 dollar notes won't be accepted also?

Me: Oh no.

Him: I need you to remember how many of these notes you put in.

Me: I really can't remember (thinks hard) Around like 5 two dollar notes and 2-3 5 dollar notes? I'm really not sure.

Him: -keeps asking and repeating then...- Then why would you have an extra of $8?

Me: Huh?

Him: You said you put in (blahblahblahblah...) but there's an extra of $8.

Me: I told you I'm not sure already! I already said I never counted before putting it in the machine!




Sheesh, some people just don't get it. Yeah, I know it's my fault I caused the machine to DIE. But it wasn't on purpose! ):

Photos tomorrow. Or maybe monday.
Since I'm going out tomorrow and Sunday too.
Time: 9:24 PM

1) Language Arts
2) Biology
3) Combined IH (Human Geog, Foundational History, Foundational Economics)
4) Physics
5) Math 2103
6) Math 2104
7) Chemistry

THE LAST AND FINAL PAPER TOMORROW! -screams :D
Wheee, my friend is attached! HAHA, okay, nevermind. I'm just KPO.

I'm wondering where have these people gone to:

1) SOH BOBIN! - LONG LOST FRIEND! xD
2) HONG JIAYI! - HONGKY!
3) LYNETTE WONG! - BEST MATE!(:
4) GRACE ONG! - FELLOW CRAP MATE!
5) MINDY TAN! - SUPPOSED-TO-CALL ME FRIEND!
6) SHIRLEY LEE! - SECRETS FRIEND!
7) JUSTINA ZHUANG (?)! - AHMA!
8) ANG AN YING! - MEIMEI!
9) ALEX - PIXIE!
10) CHINGWEI - PINKY!
11) YONGYI! (not back from Taiwan :/) - GONGGONG!

And many more... Only I can't remember now ):


WEEHAR. ONE MORE DAY TO FREEDOM!
Okay, I'm booked on some days already. HAHA, anyone who wants to go SHOPPING (not window shopping, I hate it when I see stuff I really like and I can't buy them!) has gotta wait for 1months or so. Unless you're paying for me :D

Fri - Booked by Clement and Ying :D
Sat - BOOKED BY DENISE!
Sun - Booked by Rachel
Monday onwards depends. I'm going to get a job so my timetable is I don't know?


OKAY, SHALL GO EAT!
I'm hungry :D
Time: 1:48 PM

1) Language Arts
2) Biology
3) Combined IH (Human Geog, Foundational History, Foundational Economics)
4) Physics
5) Math 2103
6) Math 2104
7) Chemistry

I was so pissed off last night till I cried.
Dammit. You know what will happen if I receive another damn sms from you or see you on the bus again?

1) I will show you _|_ right in front of your face.
2) I will say this, ' YOU HAVE NO BALLS ALRIGHT? TRY FUCKING YOURSELF IN YOUR ASS BEFORE COMING TO TALK TO ME. BLOODY GIT WITH NO GUTS AND HAVING NEGATIVE EQ. SELFISH BASTARD WHO MAKES OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFE MISERABLE JUST BECAUSE YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED UP AND USELESS.'
3) Walk away.

And let me make this clear. I HATE it when people keep calling me just for the sake of calling or rather, to their benefits. ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M HAVING MY DAMN EXAMS!
If you're a girl, I don't mind.
If you're calling to teach me, I don't mind.

JUST FUCKING DON'T KEEP SMS-ING ME AND CALLING ME THINGS LIKE 'You sleep so early?' You know I'm talking about you. How many times must I tell you I'm having exams and I don't have time to entertain you!

You pissed me off real badly last time when you called EVERYDAY and recently you pissed me off cause you refused to hang up the phone when I said I wanted to study.
YESTERDAY you pissed me off with the repeated missed calls and sms-es.
I can be tolerant but there's a limit to everything. I'm not obliged to fix my schedule to your wants alright?

Damn, pissed off and there's a bloody mosquito in my room sucking all my blood.
Time: 11:25 AM

1) Language Arts
2) Biology
3) Combined IH (Human Geog, Foundational History, Foundational Economics)
4) Physics
5) Math 2103
6) Math 2104
7) Chemistry

ALRIGHT! The longest paper is DOWN! 2 and a half hours. Gosh and guess what? I had to rewrite my history essay cause I did not write in focus with the question. BAH.

PHYSICS AND MATH NOW.
LET ME TRY TO PWN PHYSICS :D
Ahhh, whatever(:
Time: 4:16 PM

1) Language Arts
2) Biology
3) Combined IH (Human Geog, Foundational History, Foundational Economics)
4) Physics
5) Math 2103
6) Math 2104
7) Chemistry

YAY! 2 down and 5 more to go!
My wrist hurts like hell ): I can't bend it at all without the excruciating pain.
Bah. Bio's a killer. Language Arts, hmm.
NEVERMIND. Combined humanities now. BYEBYE!

PS. Would someone please remind me to put my OBS photos up here after exams? :D
Time: 3:29 PM