Finally it feels like the heavy load is off my heart.
I'm glad for what we are now, just as friends. Cause at least now I know, you'd be there for me if I need you and at least you are someone I can turn to(:


Least I don't have to feel so tied down by emotional issues anymore and really concentrate on A levels already.
Am so really tired right now but I guess I have to push on? Gah.
Dizzy spells and running a temperature doesn't exactly help though.

Waiting for baby to come over for dinner now.
Yawns, it's a boring day. Hate dizzy spells. It's getting more and more frequent this year alone.
Time: 4:36 PM

Hello!

And so, I'm back.
Yup, I promised baby that I'll blog here today, and so I'm here.
Nothing much to write though, but I'll just have to try.

Past few days have been pretty bad, but I'm glad that things are sort of clearing up.
:D

Hmm, let's talk about today.
Even though school's officially over for us to study for the A's, we had to go back to school today for the GP mock paper. Seriously, I totally screwed it up. It's held in the stupid LT where I just can't focus. Plus there's some sort of static sound in the background which really pisses me off. And I was so so tired from watching TV late till 3+ the previous night. Haha.

Then I had GP consolidation afterwards from 1-4pm. Was supposed to go, but I didn't, because I overslept. Geez. I was sleeping outside the library and slept past 1pm. -.-

Baby's being a bad girl now and watching Bleach and not studying for her Math mock paper tomorrow. Bad girl!

Heh. And I'm correct, I didn't teach the wrong thing. Ms Ling is wrong. Hahaha.


Time: 11:53 PM

"Meet you at 7 Choco Street"

Straight after my mum came into my room, holding up the bag and say,"All expire already, throw them away, cannot use already", I cried.
I typed an email to you but saved it under drafts.
I just kept crying. I didn't know. But it's just that it hurts so much.

You've moved on. You always did, no matter what happens, you'd just look towards the better tomorrow.

You gave me those, to light up my room when it was dark, when I was scared, when I was lonely and you couldn't be there. There's one hanging by my bedside now, keeping me company but it still isn't you afterall.

Wish you'd talk to me, tell me what to do. At least, just be friends.
To be friends, you'd get hurt.
To be strangers, I'd get hurt.
Either way, it just doesn't work out.

Why do I miss you so much? Till now, I still wish to feel your cold hands once more. At least to know you're still there, or maybe at least you still care?

Memories of you and I are just flashing by. The ferris wheel, Sentosa, the potatoes, the time you 'swallowed' the ring, the time you came back for me, psp, basketball courts, deodorant smell, trainings, neoprints, competitions, army, kfc meals, book out nights, weekends, everything else.



It really doesn't help at all. The light. Cause even with the light keeping me company, I'm still feeling so scared and lonely.
Time: 11:59 PM

Wasted. No more.
Time: 8:53 PM

Vivid dream that seemed so real. So much that it clenched my heart and immersed me in the pain I thought was long gone. & just thinking about the dream later on in the day sent tears welling up in my eyes.
It's the you, before and now.
What I remembered most about you, your arms.
The arms that kept me safe from everything.
Your cold clammy hands with long fingers intertwined with mine.
The veins showing through you arm as usual.
The skinny but muscular arms I always lay on to sleep.
Desperately hoping, for you to hear me, to see me, to notice me.
But of course, it's futile. I was in a bus, you were outside.
Like how we are now. A glass preventing any communications.
An ending that never happened.
So much to say, it's really my greatest regret. An endless ending.
I wished, I told you everything when you were still willing to listen.
Now it's too late.
A million things I want to say to you, I want you to know, I want you to realise, I want you to listen.
A million emotions, thoughts, feelings, truth all locked up away. I've often found myself wishing for one more chance.

Remember me asking you, 'If time could turn back, would you choose the same path you took?'
I would, but I'd make it all right this time. If only...


Thank goodness for my Big Sister and best friend. Texting me and encouraging me to stay strong and move on. Really am thankful to have them.

Heart-to heart talk with Jeff yesterday made me feel better. Esp when I've been feeling so bad for neglecting him due to A's.
Sitting at the staircase late at night just drinking away and talking made me feel so much better. Made him feel better too I hope. We could have talked till morning and I wouldn't mind just one bit but of course, my parents would have tons to say about that.

Shawnny boy telling me to work hard and not to give up and he's always there for me to hear my complaints and emo things. Other than the fact he's always pestering me to webcam, he's one helluva friend.

FC calling me out of the blue to say he believes in me and to stay strong. Couldn't be a better time honestly. He just cut me short when I told him how scared I was and he told me that I can do it and not give up and that's all I needed to think about. There are so many things I want to say, want to do, want to let loose. Not now, now's not the time. FOCUS SHUJUN, FOCUS!

But there are also things, I'll never get to say ever again ):
Time: 11:23 PM

Let's play a simple game shall we?
See how much longer you can keep lying to me, hurting my feelings and giving me false hope.
And let's see how much longer I will keep my mouth shut about it till one day, you know what will happen.

Let's just wait and see shall we? It's a game with the bomb ticking.
Tick tock tick tock.

I can tell you the status right now.
I'm fucking sick and tired.

Hope you are happy about this.
Time: 3:50 PM

Haven't updated this space for a really reallly long time. Well, first things first.

HAPPY 14TH MONTHSARY BABY! (:

Heh, didn't actually planned to meet up today but decided otherwise and baby left house only at about 5.45pm to come over to have dinner with me :D
OH NO! ): I just realised we didn't get to light any laterns. Gah):

Anyway, think baby and I really do the silliest things ever. We just sit there playing childhood hand games, lie down beside each other staring at the ceiling and talking rubbish. It doesn't need to be a romantic candle lit dinner whatsoever. Just spending time with each other is more than enough <3

It's just one more month to A levels. Might not have the energy to update here often. Really, no energy. Everyday once I'm done showering, I'm so tired I just slump into bed after my hair dries and sleep till next morning wake up and go school again.

Really tired. Just one more month.
Give me some encouragement. I really need them.
Especially when my prelim grades are so shit.
Time: 10:31 PM